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about

From "Childish Things," a one-person-show written and performed by Hamlet Cooper. "Childish Things" opened at Charm City Fringe in November 2017, and will be touring various Fringe Festivals in the NE Summer 2018
Facebook.com/childishthingsfringe

Also, side-note, while ~straight boys~ never fail to disappoint me, I have since found out that I actually *did* fall for a couple of trans and/or queer people while in high school. With the distance of time, I can see that the song isn't as much about specific boys as it is about my insecurity with my history as someone who used to think they were a straight girl.

lyrics

Straight boys
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to let me down
Straight boys
Why are you straight?
Why are you all straight?
Is it just to let me down?

I was always looking for a queer
Looking for a boy
To love me like a boy
But every single boy that I ever crushed on
Every single boy that I ever wanted to fuck
And every single one that I fucked was straight
And that's what I hate
Every single boy that ever thought that they loved me
Every single boy that ever thought that they knew me
Every single boy that ever thought that they saw me
Well they were looking at something else

Straight boys
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to let me down
Straight boys
Why are you straight?
Why are you all straight?
Is it just to let me down?

I wanna call them up and ask them if they're still straight
I wanna tell them who I am
Look at this boy that your boy-heart liked
Look at this queer that you kissed
Yeah you kissed me in the rain
I wanna believe that I could change their mind
I wanna believe that I could rock their world
I wanna believe that they knew something about me

Straight boys
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to let me down
Straight boys
The worst thing about them
Is they become straight men

Straight men
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to disappoint me
They never fail to let me down
Straight men
Why are you men?
Why are you all men?
Is it just to let me down?

Straight boys!

credits

from Too Gay To Function, released February 6, 2018

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Too Gay To Function Amherst, Massachusetts

I alternately write songs to put on a mix CD for your crush and rants about how straight boys suck and queer life is weird. I'm currently booking gigs anywhere in or near Boston. I'm also seeking a guitarist or other co-conspirators to write with, plug in some amps and Get Loud. ... more

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